tampa neighborhoods
The Seminole Heights blog was recently asked about his Tampa neighborhood. On the same post, another reader asked him about Seminole Heights as well as Hyde Park and Port Tampa.
Similarly, AskATampa got yet another request for Tampa neighborhood information. Reader Carlos was told that Carrollwood and/or Westchase were “nice” areas. That brings this question to the top of the list of what people come here looking for.
In comparing neighborhoods, there’s a million ways to do it. Real estate agents do it all the time. Schools, parks, shopping, crime, income, blah, blah, blah. You know all that stuff still doesn’t give you a complete picture.
In fact, I got an joke email years (and years) ago that did a better job. So, with apologies to the originator of that email, we’re going to use the Mattel Method. You know, Barbie – The Everything Girl.
For instance:
Bayshore Barbie: This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Includes her own Starbucks cup, credit card set, and country club membership. Crowd O’ Commoners Escape Jet sold separately, as is Shallow Ken and Illegal Immigrant Nanny. Only available by referral.
Carrollwood Barbie: This modern-day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar mini-van and matching gym suit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation or secondary education. Can swear in English and Spanish. Traffic-jamming cell phone sold separately. Available at Target.
Suitcase City Barbie: This recently paroled Barbie comes with one set of dirty clothes, a crack pipe and a beat up shopping cart. Sold separately, Ken Behind The Bushes includes darting eyes and a knife. These models are available only after dark and must be bought with cash only, quickly through an automobile window, if no one is watching.
Ok… That should get you started. Tell me about the Barbie in your neighborhood.
Tags: neighborhood, tampa
Loading ...
May 2nd, 2006 at 2:28 pm
Top’o'the’Bay Barbie is a reformed former -party girl turned yuppie puppy with tattoos and piercings hidden nicelyunder fresh blouses and trimmed and proper skirts. Cradle Robber Ken sold seperately.
May 2nd, 2006 at 4:30 pm
My ‘Hood Barbie: This chipper Barbie loves to sip Zinfandel on the back deck while gushing with the neighbors over twentieth-century literature they don’t really understand. Take her to nearby dirt-rocker bars in the included Outdated Square Glasses and Outdated Khaki Capris. Spacious 2-bedroom American Dream Cottage sold separately (MSRP $375,000). Happy Wife-Swapping Ken comes free with the Relocate from the Midwest Package.
May 2nd, 2006 at 5:04 pm
SOG Barbie comes with the innovative convertible carport/lanai. Lanai can be furnished with a big screen TV and beer sign, or a weight bench. The Carport comes with Gone Fishing Ken and a vehicle that sits higher out of the flood zone than the house. When switching from Lanai to Carport, and back again, just store the unused accessories on the front lawn.
May 3rd, 2006 at 12:02 am
BTW — every Neighborhood barbie comes with a special coupon to send away for the all-encompassing, limited-edition Sugar Daddy Ken.
May 3rd, 2006 at 1:43 pm
Forest Hills Barbie comes with her own middle-class american one-story home complete with drooling children and multiple dogs. She has no secondary education and her biggest cause of the moment is getting everyone to join the neighborhood association. One page cookbook includes recipe for meatloaf. She loves the Cuban family next door, but can’t stand “the Messicans across the street.” Accessories include Cracker Ken. Cracker Ken is a beer-drinkin, gun-shootin, good ole boy who likes to work on motorcycles in the front yard while the little missus takes care of the yardapes. His friends come by to see him and Barbie always makes sure they have enough crab cakes and Pabst Blue Ribbon on hand. When she comes out the door with her Tupperware platter full of smoked mullet and a Virginia Slim in her mouth, she is the most graceful host in the world to these boys.
May 3rd, 2006 at 4:14 pm
I smell a meme in this.
May 4th, 2006 at 8:41 am
Where in the h*ll is Forest Hills?!?
May 4th, 2006 at 8:54 am
Most people would call the “Forest Hills” area “Carrollwood.” Unless you live in Forest Hills, of course.
May 4th, 2006 at 11:31 am
Addison tagged me for this one. You can see my SOK Barbie post at my site. Very fun exercise!
May 4th, 2006 at 11:56 am
Wesley Chapel Barbie over at my site.
May 4th, 2006 at 1:55 pm
Forest Hills is just east of old Carrollwood, and is a more blue-collar middle-income neighborhood. The house we have was built in the early 60’s. We bought it from Gary’s parents’ estate when they passed because he wanted to live in the house he grew up in. Older neighborhood, near Armenia and Busch.
May 4th, 2006 at 5:03 pm
It was so not the time to comment on my neighbors, but I couldn’t help it and did anyway. Retirement Barbie
Thanks to Addison for pointing this one out because I’ve been too swamped with personal and work stuff to read the blogs.
Just call me, Shame-faced Barbie
Glad to see Rachel posting in comments. Where’s the blog!
May 9th, 2006 at 9:36 am
[...] Addison thought my neighborhood Barbie query would make a good meme. So, not only am I participating and promoting the first meme this site has ever done, I can be blamed for starting it. [...]
May 9th, 2006 at 9:55 am
Seffner Barbie, comes with her own home pregnancy test kit and bail bondsman’s business cards.
September 6th, 2006 at 4:15 am
Hi! I have a question for all of you. I am thinking of relocating from Tucson to Tampa. My parents and sister live in LOL/Lutz area. I would prefer somewhere more interesting. How about I describe us and you tell me which neighborhoods are “us”? Barbie: Stay-at-home mom of two preschoolers; master’s degree and 4 years grad school; terrible housekeeper; mom and kids in stained old clothes. Ken: PhD in math; likes high-tech gadgets; never leaves his large-screen TV or laptop; does not do yardwork/home maintenance. Where do we live? Thanks!!
October 31st, 2006 at 1:43 pm
[...] Oh. Addison (slays me). I love you. And I love Tommy, too. But this is sooooooo not the time to have me imagining what Barbie would be like were she from my neighborhood. I’m so pissed off at one of our neighbors because of his whining to the city about the oil stain my son’s car has left on the road (among other things) that I don’t think I can actually have fun with this. [...]
February 11th, 2007 at 9:00 am
[...] might remember we came up with a few of those tampa neighborhood barbies. I received an email that you probably have already seen. It’s got more local barbies, and [...]
May 1st, 2007 at 12:49 pm
how about a feather sound barbie? or clearwater barbie? or largo barbie? brandon barbie?
July 30th, 2007 at 1:30 pm
How about Cunt Barbie because that covers all of Tampa.