I discovered hooters when I was twelve years old. I discovered Hooters Restaurant at the same age. Until then, my familiarity with the chain extended only to the tacky white T-shirts I saw college kids wearing every summer when my family and I made our annual trip to nearby Cedar Point. My first actual experience with the restaurant occurred in Indianapolis, as my junior tennis team and I supped before the national competition. I remember the busty servers, their bizarre manner of dress (shorts, pantyhose, and tennis shoes? huh?), and the tongue-inflaming “Triple-Hot” wing sauce. I wondered where the owls were, but my wide eyes and stiff… neck left me looking positively avian.
(Also discovered on that trip to nationals: “Laid” by Brit alt-rock band James, a fantastic record you might have heard recently.)
A few years later, a Hooters location opened in Toledo, and my high school buddies and I occasionally stopped in for wings after shopping at the mall across the street (our nearest mall, an hour from home). I wasn’t fond of the ritual; my jacked-up testosterone levels couldn’t justify the high prices and mediocre food, and I learned an early lesson that women who want you to give them money are only pretending to like you.
Nowadays I live a stone’s throw from the original Hooters location and I’ve been there once or twice, though I still don’t like the food; “Buffalo style wings” should not have breading (nor should they have the size and consistency of grease-soaked contraceptive sponges) and I’m a bit frightened by what flavor of fish qualifies as “Grouper’s Cousin” (apparently it’s Tilapia which isn’t even in the same Linnean Family as Grouper [Serranidae]… so the relation must be by marriage).
Considering my not-so-subtle distain for Hooters, it was with amusement I discovered a restaurant chain that appeared to copy every aspect of the Hooters experience: Ker’s WingHouse. I stumbled upon its New Port Richey location after rehearsal for a show I was appearing in at the Richey Suncoast Theatre a while back.
It was like the restaurant version of a fake Chinese Volvo. Bolt for bolt, as it were. Except the Chinese Volvo was constructed and sold at a fraction of the Swedish version, while the prices at WingHouse appeared to be on par with those at “the real thing.” Furthermore, I didn’t know who this “Ker” individual was; some football player from the 70’s, I was told, but even my father (with a gridiron memory like an elephant) didn’t remember the dude.
I contemplated the similarities again while grabbing a beer and a few wings (naked and hot, like I like my women, thanks) at the Pinellas Park WingHouse location on my way home from Tuesday’s D-Rays victory. Why? I was hungry. And thirsty.
Where Hooters has the catchphrase “Delightfully Tacky, Yet Unrefined,” WingHouse has “Need We Say More!” which threw me for a grammatical loop; need we say more to what? Then again, it’s not a question; like Meijer (think Midwestern Super Wal-Mart) slogan Why Pay More! it’s exclamatory rather than interragatory. Either Ker is channeling Yoda, or he’s like the guys looking for tickets with their hastily-scrawled “NEED TWO” cardboard signs outside RayJay. Alas, I did my civic and journalistic duty by searching Ebay for “we say more” but only found an old 45 by Starpoint.
From the wood-paneled walls and bar to the orange, white, and black-clad busty waitresses to the menu items (Hooters’ Grouper’s Cousin is, in WingHousian, “Grouper’s Teammate,” a relationship if anything more compatible with scientific taxonomy) a distinct lack of creativity seems to be working here. I simply had to ask why that old, dead guy in Atlanta never sued “Ker” for totally ripping his act off.
Of course, he did — and lost, with a $1.2 million countersuit adding insult to injury. The judge claimed Hooters didn’t show enough evidence that Ker’s WingHouse had ripped them off.
Despite the similarities, I have to agree. There’s no monopoly on overpriced chain restaurants in the Tampa Bay area.
Jim Johnson
2 years ago
Tim… Great story.
You need to check out — if you haven’t yet — Quaker Steak & Lube in Pinellas Park… Their “Lickers” are the best wings I’ve ever had…
And I grew up 1-hour from Buffalo, if that gives you some perspective..
They have locations in Ohio… and started in Pennsylania – in an old Quaker State & Lube garage… hence the name.
I even drove over from Tampa to get wings for my Super Bowl Party.
Check ‘em out!!
tim
2 years ago
There’s a QS&L in Pinellas Park? Are you kidding me? how did I not know that?
That’s the best news I’ve gotten today!
Then again, I just woke up five minutes ago.
Chuck Welch
2 years ago
My sister lives about a mile from that “Pinellas Park WingHouse location” and you should know you have now been in the original locations of both Hooters and WingHouse.
I guess you’ll have to find the first Mugs and Jugs for your hat trick.
Clark
2 years ago
Does Melons in Clearwater still exist? I never went there but I would see their sign in the outfield at the Clearwater Phillies games.
kate
2 years ago
I spent part of my youth in Tonawanda – right outside Buffalo. Back before I gave up dead animals, the best wings in this area had to be Nickel City or my mom.
Most consistently – my mom.
Jim Johnson
2 years ago
Tim:
http://www.quakersteak.com/default.asp?fldLocation=pinellas
J
2 years ago
Melons closed but they had really good BBQ wings called “beaver wings”, hmmm. I wonder what they were implying.
DAF
2 years ago
Never went there, but there was also a restaurant named Knockers in Largo. Not sure if it is still there. Also, anyone remember Fraternity House in Clearwater? I think it was in the same building either before or after Melons. And I hear Joe Francis who started Girls Gone Wild now wants to open a chain of similar restaurants under the same name.
tim
2 years ago
Joe Francis, if God has a heart, will be spending a good amount of time in federal prison.
Maureen
2 years ago
I agree the uniforms are bizarre. The few times I have been to Hooters I am distracted by all of the shimmery tights. Just about any woman will look like a Hooters girl with control top, industrial strength pantyhose.
cpatt
2 years ago
I loved the “beaver wings” at Melons and Frat House. I have been having crazy cravings for them lately, but, can’t find them anywhere. Anybody know if there are any of these still around or if anyone has the recipe?
LISA
2 years ago
I LOVES MELONS GARBAGE BURGERS,THEY WERE EXCELLENT
Mike Hutto
2 years ago
When I was in high school the Frat house in clearwater had the best wing’s in town,to this day I have never tasted a better wing.
SweetnPantyhose
1 year ago
I love Hooters and more power to women everywhere that not only wear pantyhose, but that enjoy wearing them!
Kelly
1 year ago
I REALLY MISS FRAT HOUSE’S BEAVER WINGS!!!!!!!! ANYONE HAVE THE RECIPE i WOULD LOVE TO HAVE IT SO THAT i COULD MAKE IT AT HOME
Scott
1 year ago
Melons also had flamingo wings. I really loved them, does anyone have that recipe?
Mike
11 months ago
Frat house wings were the absolute best!!! I have never found their equal. Someone please post a recipe for them.
The Website Optimizer
6 months ago
No questions Melons had the best wings. It has been 20 years and I can still taste them. For me, that was the real difference between Hooters and Melons. At Melons, the food was good.
Dee Dunn
5 months ago
Please God, bring back the Frat House “Beaver Wings”. they were, without a doubt the greatest wings ever. The “Beaver Shrimp” was also fantastic!!!!