Sticks of Fire: a Tampa blog

Just before the turn of the century, I was hanging out in Ybor City all the time. The band was playing at either Castillo’s (now the BoneYard) or the old Blue Shark (now a clothing store) every weekend. Oftentimes, a bunch of swingers would come in and dance a bit. Not THOSE kind of swingers, but those that were doing the jitterbug and lindy hop over at the Sugar Palm Club (now part of HCC?) at the corner of 15th and Palm. At least one of those great dancers now has a blog, and dug up some old photos of the Sugar Palm Club.

Those photos and flyers brought back memories for me, too. So Lanie is the subject of this week’s Meet the Blogger:

NAME: Lainey
BLOG NAME: Random_Speak
URL: http://randomspeak.blogspot.com

Describe how did you come to live in Tampa Bay? My father’s family has been in St. Petersburg for several generations, and there is rampant speculation that our murky background is actually quite sordid and scandalous. However, references to Al Capone, fistfights in front of the Vinoy, and terribly wild parties in the 1920s are probably best left out of a family-oriented site. My mother barely escaped from New Jersey and also tortures herself by maintaining a local blog (http://rhodent.blogspot.com)

Why did you stay here? Well, I tried to leave, but I couldn’t get my car to start.

What’s the best & worst thing about Tampa Bay? There isn’t really one best thing about the Tampa Bay area, but some of my favorites include: drinking beer with the local Ultimate Frisbee players, making out in the Tampa Theater, admiring the enormous cheeses at Mazzaro’s Italian Market, wearing obnoxious clothing at the Dali Museum and running amok on the beaches.

The worst thing about the Tampa Bay area is the painfully slow and protracted death of the local art scene (sob). Many of us are in mourning.

In which neighborhood do you live? I currently rent in charming Old Northeast (St. Petersburg), but I plan to buy a tiny house in a crime-ridden, termite-infested, flood-prone neighborhood quite soon.

What’s the best & worst thing in your neighborhood? The best thing about my neighborhood is the fact that I can easily walk to all sorts of lovely places: I can buy exotic ales from Shep’s, browse very old books at Wilson’s, pretend to act all Euro-trashy at the Independant bar, play with kittens at the Beehives salon, and stuff myself silly at the Saturday morning St. Pete market.

The worst part about my neighborhood is either the fact that Johnny Depp doesn’t live next door or the fact that our city is still struggling with the issue of homelessness.

What is your blog about? My blog is occasionally about vintage pinups, brilliantly incisive social/political commentary and fart poetry. At times I discuss the charm of painting on black velvet, the latest scientific discoveries, very odd books and completely useless trivia. But usually it’s all about nothing.

Why did you start your blog? I wanted to torture myself.

Is it successful? Random_Speak is truly one of the great success stories of our time. As of late, however, there have been remarks that my blog does not contain enough sex and violence to retain market share among its target audience. Therefore, we are currently working on a new and exciting blogging strategy that will better align with our corporate mission statement, which is:
1. To improve customer satisfaction
2. To retain our high-value customers
3. To increase brand awareness
4. To eat, drink and be merry
5. And much, much more!
As soon as we figure out what this means, we will be sure to let you know.

What else about blogging? Caffeine is the single most important part of maintaining my blog, and I cannot live without it. To be perfectly honest, the most difficult part about maintaining my blog is the fact that sorting through all the love letters and marriage proposals is quite tiring. I’ve already sprained three fingers that way.

What’s the coolest thing you have ever done? Everything I do is amazingly cool, so I suppose I don’t understand the question.

What else? I am highly addicted to kung fu movies and must absolutely recommend Master of the Flying Guillotine, Duel to the Death, Drunken Master II, Iron Monkey and Rikie-Oh: the Story of Riki to all and sundry. Anyone who would like to trade film recommendations (of all sorts) may enquire on my blog. I am an equal opportunity offender.

So, that’s Lanie. Fart Poetry. Nice to have made your acquaintance.

Oh… a special “thank you” is owed to the initial subject of Meet the Bloggers, Robert LaFollette, who created the “Meet the Bloggers” logo/image you see above. Thanks Robert!

Meet the bloggers.

On Sunday, October 1, 2006, a new law went into effect allowing identification cards to be issued to children five years of age and older.  The cost for a first time identification card is three dollars.

Also effective this month, you can add two emergency contacts to your driver license information.  This new service will allow you to provide contact information to law enforcement in the event of an emergency. The information may save crucial time if it is necessary to contact family members. You must already have a Florida Driver License or Florida Identification Card to participate. Enter your contact information online.

While we are on the subject of emergency contacts, don’t forget to add ICE. If you haven’t heard, it’s a good idea to add ICE to your cell phone. When police find you passed out in an alley in Ybor City, or bumped on the head woozy in Lutz, police may check your cell phone for someone to call. Maybe your phone has an entry that reads “wifey,” or “My studly handsome fiancé” or simply “mom.” In any of these cases, cops don’t have the time to figure out who to call. So create an entry for ICE (In Case of Emergency), and put in the phone number of someone to contact, you know, In Case of Emergency.

Finally, if you know of an older driver that may need a refresher course, you may want to send them to the Florida GrandDriver website.  Most older drivers are good drivers. But as we age, most of us will need to take steps to ensure that we can continue to drive safely. Changes in our visual, physical and mental abilities will affect each of us in different ways. Florida GrandDriver offers plenty of places that will help seniors keep getting around safely.

In the latest sign of the coming AARP-ageddon, Pasco Deputies had to break out the TASER to subdue a 92 year old who was beating up an 81 year old.

An old person hits the accelerator instead of the brake, and kills her friend. You’ve read that before, and you’ll read it again.

Yet another senior citizen hits the accelerator instead of the brake.

Remember the old people brawl at a salad bar in Winter Haven last year? It’s still funny.

St. Pete - An 66 year old woman with a history of con-artistry borrowed some dough from an 84 year old man, and did not pay it back, even after being ordered by a judge. The old man decided to get all vigilante on her, so when driving by her house, he shot at it now and again.

It seems that baby boomers are retiring at the same rate they were being born. So what are these retirees doing for fun? Same thing the baby boomers have been doing for sixty years. Pissing contests.

Nowadays it’s “My parade is bigger than yours.”

Our own Sun City Center started the ridiculousness just after the turn of the century. By 2003, the Guinness Book of World Records claimed the Sun City Squad held the record with 306 golf carts.

Refusing to take it lying down (or playing shuffleboard, even), Timber Pines in Spring Hill tripled SCC’s efforts the following year. The Timber Pines Posse is the current record holder with 1,138.

Michigan’s Sandy Pines tried (and failed – I called them) this month. But that’s not the end of it. Vigilantes from The Villages have their attempt coming this September 1, and it looks as if they will take over the top spot. They have posted the official Guinness rules, and have shut down registration at 3,000 golf carts.

Too snooty to stoop to Florida’s standards, the California surfer hippies, aka the Palm Desert Krewe is interested only in having the “most unique” golf cart parade.